[crackmonkey] victorian verse kicks ass...
Mae Ling Mak (Spinster)
maeling at earthling.net
Thu Mar 18 23:24:38 PST 1999
as some day it may happen that a victim must be found,
i've got a little list-i've got a little list
of social offenders who might well be underground,
and who never would be missed-who never would be missed!
there's the pestilential nuisances who write for autographs-
all people who have flabby hands and irritating laughs-
all children who are up in dates, and florr you with 'em flat-
all persons who in shaking hands, shake hands with you like _that_-
and all third persons who on spoiling tete-a-tetes insist-
they'd none of 'em be missed-they'd none of 'em be missed!
he's got 'em on the list- he's got 'em on the list;and they'll none of
'em be missed-they'll none of 'em be missed!
there's a nigger serenader, the others of his race,
and the piano-organist-i've got him on the list!
and the people who eat peppermint and puff it in your face,
theynever would be missed- they never woud be missed!
then the idiot who praises, with enthusiastic tone,
all centuries but this, and every country but his own;
and the lady from the provinces who dresses like a guy,and "who doesn't
think she waltzes, but would rather like to try"!
and that singular anomaly, the lady novelist-
i don't think she'd be missed-i'm _sure_ she'd not be missed!
he's got her on the list-he's got her on the list;
and i don't think she'll be missed-i'm _sure_she'll not be missed!
and that nisi prius nuisance, who just now is rather rife,
the judicial humorist-i've got _him_ on the list!
all funny fellows, comic men, and clowns of private life-
they'd none of 'em be missed- they'd none of them be missed!
and apologetic statesmen of a compromising kind,
such as- what d'ye call him- thing'em bob, and likewise never mind,
ans 'st-st'-'st- and what's-his-name, and also you-know-who-
the task of filling up the blanksi'd rather leave to _you_.
but it really doesn't matter whom you put upon the list,
for they'd none of 'em be missed-
they'd none of 'em be missed!
you may put 'em on the list- you may put 'em on the list;
and they'll none of 'em be missed- they'll none of 'em be missed!
from _they'll none of 'em be missed_ by sir william schwenck gilbert
goddamnit, i've got a few for that list....
"if you light yourself on fire,
the world will pay to watch you burn."
-Course of Empire
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