[crackmonkey] [destiny@wco.com: [Pigdog] AOL acquires Godzilla]

[Nick Moffitt]

----- Forwarded message from David Cassel <destiny at wco.com> -----


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MONSTER ISLAND, Japan. (Reuters) - AOL spokespeople say they've followed
their acquisition of Netscape Communications Corporation by purchasing
Godzilla.

"We thought it'd go nicely with our recent acquisition of Mozilla," an AOL
spokesperson commented.  "Mozilla, Godzilla.  They kind of go
together...."

A despondent Godzilla was unavailable for comment -- but long-time
companion Mothra indicated the creature was in bad spirits Wednesday
morning and had retreated into seclusion.  When informed of the deal,
Godzilla apparently became confused, and uncertain who to singe with fire.  
"His back kind of lit up," Mothra remembers. "But only half-heartedly...."

Triumphant AOL President Steve Case shared details of his emerging
business plans. "Chat rooms will only get you so far," he observed
Wednesday.  "Besides, with our stock price inflated to 127 times
year-ahead earnings, we'd be stupid not to."  The move continues AOL's
strategy of diversifying their holdings by acquiring more successful and
better operations -- often, simply by trading them stock.  "Can you
believe it?" Case gloated.  "It's like a license to print money."

Reached by phone, Godzilla answered only "Hrank."

"It all happened so fast," remembers Mothra.  "Toho executives asked how
they could get their hands on $4.2 billion, and the next thing we knew,
the ink was drying."  Meanwhile, Godzilla's new corporate overlords
discussed their plans for the future. "We look forward to working with
Godzilla to leverage new frontiers in interactive technologies,"  Steve
Case commented in a press conference with technology reporters.

When asked to elaborate on what exactly he meant by "new frontiers in
interactive technologies," Case appeared confused and quickly left the
room.  An AOL spokesperson hinted later Godzilla might be utilized as a
promotional agent.  "He certainly offers a novel way to deliver floppy
disks," they mused jubilantly.  And other synergies were also possible.
"Just having him around creates alot of good will," the spokesperson
continued.  "Like those casinos that hire former heavyweight boxing
champions."

"We were anxious to buy Godzilla before Friday," an AOL spokesperson
commented. "Friday's 'Buy-Nothing' day."

It's unclear how AOL's deal will affect other inhabitants of Monster
Island such as Rodin and Baragon.  But AOL's acquisition was expected to
benefit business partner Sun Microsystems in their continuing effort to
further the adoption of the Java programming language.

One Sun spokesperson was heard to comment "Wait'll Microsoft gets a load
of this."
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----- End forwarded message -----

-- 
 * Progress (n.): The process through which Usenet has evolved from
   smart people in front of dumb terminals to dumb people in front of
   smart terminals.  -- obs at burnout.demon.co.uk (obscurity)
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